summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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