I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
