what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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