last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
please don't ironically join a cult
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