May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
