How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
