Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
