Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
