found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
This toilet bowl is my home.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
