Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize