were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
ok first of all what the fuck
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
