Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
There r osticjed everywhere
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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