My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Randomize
