I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
