just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
