I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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