Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize