I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
