He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
