It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
