Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
