If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
