She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
