I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
