T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
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