just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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