I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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