Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
