I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize