There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
