in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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