Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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