I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
