CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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