This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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