So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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