I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
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