people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
