put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize