I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
