No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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