My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
