I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize