i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
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