We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
She told me I should be a condom model.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
