We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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