Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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