She said her name was "party"
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize