You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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