my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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