Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
