just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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