I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
