dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize