You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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