Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
