I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
