As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
