Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
