Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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