I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
