Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize