I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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