recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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