Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
drinking out of a sandbucket again
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
