I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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