I just cut my nipple shaving
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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