we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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