Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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