It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
