There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Randomize
