I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
