How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
