Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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