Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
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