His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
