I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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