Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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