I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
