Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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