Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
