Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
