So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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