Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
