i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Buhtt sex?
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
