that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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