in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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