so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
