we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
