I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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