I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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