hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
