So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
