there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
