My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Randomize