You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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