i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
